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I love being single. or should i said -- semi-single? |
I met up with a few friends on Friday, one of them has been telling me that her bf is planning something for her on her coming birthday. She added that they are going to have a romantic dinner first, then maybe going to Metro to celebrate her birthday with friends and I am invited. Then she asked, "Your bf hasn't come back ah?" So, I decided not to go to Metro tonight coz I don't want everyone to ask me that same old pathetic question.
My mind just can't cope with all the stress that I am having now. I need some time to cool down my mind so that I will be able to study. Moreover, I have test next Tuesday that I need to study at home tonight, hopefully. Then I went over to Crystal's house after my work yesterday, she has helped me to buy a big box of Krispe Kreme donuts. Yum!!! Again, she asked me how's my life these days and... "Your bf hasn't come back ah?" and "Then how about you?" and "Are you sure you are ok?"
Of coz I am not ok, being someone who is so scared of loneliness. But I guess I have started to get used to it. I think I would have died a long time ago if it's not Fiona, Jacque and William who are always by my side. I would probably died of boredom and depression. I am glad that I manage to find some good friends in life who have helped me through my life and sometimes when I think about it, it just make me wanna cry so badly!
Diana calls me every month just to make sure that I am fine here. She is coming to Perth in June to meet up with her bf, she said, "I wanna go and see Martin and to keep you accompanied." There we go again, I am gonna become a super bright lamp pose when I am with Diana and Martin, plus Jacque and William. I hate this kind of feelings! I used to be a lamp pose when I was with Grace and Ben, Windi and Hsien Jun.
Maybe they never realized how 'bright' I am, but I do feel uncomfortable when I am around them. I just don't wanna ruin their couple moments. Especially when I have a bf but I am acting like I don't have a bf. Deja Vu!! I remember this kind of thing happened to me in 2004. Even my best friends in Malaysia are worried about me coz they know that I won't be able to survive that well! Muahaha..
But I have to lie to them that I am doing alright here, they don't have to worry much about me. I love my semi-single life. I can do whatever I want, I can eat out everyday, I don't have to cook, I don't have someone nagging me, I have plenty of time for myself and my dog... In the end, they said,"Yeah right! Stop lying! But if that makes you feel good, then keep going." Damn! Since when they started to become so sarcastic to me?!!! But, I love them still! ^_^
In conclusion, I DO love being single now! Or maybe being semi-single... But for long term, I don't think I would like it. Like Diana always said, if I don't have that person accompanying me all the time, she thinks that I would have collapsed since long time ago. Well, I guess what she said is so fucking true. In the end, I still LOVE and HATE my life anyway.
sOphia.G
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Saturday, May 05, 2007 
2:58:00 PM 
