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answers to the questions |
Ever since he came back to Perth, I have the urge of asking him a lot of questions. Especially today... I am feeling too emotional, too depressed, too sad... I fucking hate PMS!!! Jacque has been asking me to ask my bf those things that I always wanted to know. But I decided to take my own sweet time on this issue.
I will probably ask him before he goes back to Singapore. Or I might not ask him in the end. Sigh~~~ My mood changes from time to time, sometimes I do wanna ask him a lot of things, sometimes I decided just to keep my mouth shut and don't ask about anything. Just let it be. I keep telling a lot of people that, "I don't wanna ask coz I don't wanna know." But deep down inside, I do wanna know.
Maybe I am a coward. Maybe I am scared of the truth. Maybe I don't wanna hear something that might hurt me in the end. The reason I don't wanna ask him is because I don't want to spoilt the mood for both of us, since he is here to have his holidays, then just let him enjoy his days here. But I am living like hell!!
Nowadays, every time when I see him chatting with someone on MSN and keep smiling. I do wanna ask him who is that person? Why do you have time to chat with that person but you can't be bothered to chat with me when you are in Singapore? Who am i to you? GF? Best friend? Good friend? Friend? Every time when he told me that he has watched a few movies in Singapore, I really wanna ask him where, when and with who?
It's ironic that he never ask me about what I had been doing here for the past few months. Sometimes I do wonder what's my position in his heart!!! He told me that he loves me, but on the other hand, he is doing nothing at all!! I am living in confusion and misery!
I think he is selfish and he loves himself more than he loves me. No wonder he is doing just fine in his life. He never worry about anything, I assume that he never feel sad about his relationship coz he always think that his relationship is perfect! Isn't it a bit too easy for him to be in a relationship? He doesn't have to call, he doesn't have to care for his girl, he doesn't even have to worry about anything! Fuck man! This is so fucking unfair.
I realize one thing in the end, that I should learn from him long time ago. Love yourself and you will be loved. Yeah. I agree. I always love other people more than I love myself. That's why I have a shitty life! I need a holiday! I need a getaway. I am going insane!
sOphia.G
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Thursday, May 10, 2007 
4:37:00 PM 
