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worthless |
I didn't know that when you give in so much, do so many things for someone, in the end... that someone will just turn his/her back on you and never appreciate what you have done so far. It happened to me once from my bitch friend. And now... the one closest to me is doing the same fucking thing to me!
Everyday I have to wake up at around 7am or 8am preparing to go for classes or to work, after work or classes, I have to rush back home to do my homework and also to prepare for dinner. After that, I need to continue with my homework. I am feeling so tired everyday that I am exhausted!!! But I still make the effort to cook for Darrel every night becoz he has been eating instant noodle every afternoon. I feel sad seeing all these and everyday I would love to prepare something nice for him to eat. No matter how tired and how sick am I, I still make the effort to do all these things for him!
Little did I know that he could scold me this afternoon because he doesn't have enough ice for his coffee!! He said that I never make ice, then I told him that I have been sick for days and I didn't drink any coffee or coke these days. Then he asked me "Are you trying to say that I am the one who didn't make ice, and I should blame myself??" Oh well, he is the one who drinks coffee and coke everyday. These days I have been drinking ribena, green tea that I bought from my cafe. I even took out all the bottles and showed them to him. Then he has nothing to say and ran to his room.
I told him that is it so hard for him to make ice for himself?? Since he is so free at home. I have to work, I have to cook, I have to study, I have to clean the house. Sunddenly I feel like he is the most useless and worthless person in this world!! Then he said I am complaining to him, he said he never ask me to cook or do something... So, asked me not to complain. I told him, because I love him so much, I know that he prefers to eat home cooked food and he has been eating instant noodle every afternoon... So, every night I wanna cook something for him. I am not complaining anything to him, I just want him to know that I have done so many things for him, I just want him to appreciate what I have done!!
Sometimes I think my life is so fucked up. God played a BIG JOKE on my life. Those whom I love so much, they disappoint me over and over again! Those whom love me so much, I never lay my eyes on them. Now I am regret!! Fucking regret that I made the wrong decision two years ago!! People always tell me that once the decision is make, don't turn back and feel regret. But I can't. Every time when I have problems with Darrel, I often think back about what I have done and I was so silly and stupid two years ago. I should have chose someone instead of staying with Darrel.
I feel that the distance between me and Darrel is getting further and further... We are no longer that loving, we do our own things everyday, we are in our own room everyday, he hardly hug me or kiss me... I wonder how long can I take this shit?
Made your decision wisely... or else, you will fucked up the rest of your life! Like me!!!
sOphia.G
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Saturday, October 21, 2006 
4:21:00 PM 
